I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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