My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
