Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
