Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
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I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
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