Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
