Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
