Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
