I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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