Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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