Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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