broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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