Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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