I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
