Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
