I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
