every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
