I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
