i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
