Whod you bang
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
