she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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