She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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