Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
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I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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