Will you blow on my dice?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
