Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Randomize
