you traded sex for a burrito?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
