4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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