I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
