I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
