"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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