ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
