I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
