the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
