sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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