That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
