It's a beautiful day for a hangover
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
