i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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