That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
