You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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