Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
