im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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