Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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