he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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