Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
