i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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