I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
