I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
