Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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