so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
