Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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