i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
