Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Randomize
