It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
