would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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