i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
