Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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