You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
