Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You need a sexual gate keeper
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
