you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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