he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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