Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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