The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Randomize
