Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
