wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
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I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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