He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
