his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
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Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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